The issue is you often don’t have to manipulate someone into doing something that is harmful for them, especially if they do not have the life experience to know what harmful looks like. I’m not saying they should be barred from doing things, but it’s natural to question a relationship where there is a power imbalance, and generally age gap relationships exhibit that imbalance. An imbalance does not mean manipulation occurs, just that there is an opportunity there. Saying young people don’t generally have as much life experience is not infantilizing, it’s generally factual. That is easy to exploit even if you are not intending to. When people make these arguments, I’m always curious as to how many young people they actually know and interact with in a non work environment. The difference between speaking to an 18 year old and a 20 year old is often gargantuan. I wonder if they are not willing to give an 18 year old with their first job more leeway for mistakes than an older person who’s now had several jobs. I think it’s good to give people who are just learning more grace, and to expect more of people who have been around longer. I don’t think that’s infantilizing, I think that’s recognizing the situation people are in and meeting them where they are at. I don’t see how that does not obviously translate to interpersonal relationships.
I will add that I generally see women (the ones more likely to be on the younger end of this equation) advocating against age gaps. Often, women who speak from personal experience note that it was not a positive experience for them. I’m sure some say it’s positive, but the stats seem to indicate that they are on the whole not good either short term or long term. So I generally err on the side of lived experience and statistics, especially when they corroborate each other. I don’t think people are advocating for laws against them, but it makes sense for society to warn of the issues, like we should do with all other things that can cause harm when people would not otherwise be aware of it.
The issue is you often don’t have to manipulate someone into doing something that is harmful for them, especially if they do not have the life experience to know what harmful looks like. I’m not saying they should be barred from doing things, but it’s natural to question a relationship where there is a power imbalance, and generally age gap relationships exhibit that imbalance. An imbalance does not mean manipulation occurs, just that there is an opportunity there. Saying young people don’t generally have as much life experience is not infantilizing, it’s generally factual. That is easy to exploit even if you are not intending to. When people make these arguments, I’m always curious as to how many young people they actually know and interact with in a non work environment. The difference between speaking to an 18 year old and a 20 year old is often gargantuan. I wonder if they are not willing to give an 18 year old with their first job more leeway for mistakes than an older person who’s now had several jobs. I think it’s good to give people who are just learning more grace, and to expect more of people who have been around longer. I don’t think that’s infantilizing, I think that’s recognizing the situation people are in and meeting them where they are at. I don’t see how that does not obviously translate to interpersonal relationships.
I will add that I generally see women (the ones more likely to be on the younger end of this equation) advocating against age gaps. Often, women who speak from personal experience note that it was not a positive experience for them. I’m sure some say it’s positive, but the stats seem to indicate that they are on the whole not good either short term or long term. So I generally err on the side of lived experience and statistics, especially when they corroborate each other. I don’t think people are advocating for laws against them, but it makes sense for society to warn of the issues, like we should do with all other things that can cause harm when people would not otherwise be aware of it.