I definitively can back that up from personal experience. I tend to be quite good at detecting what emotional state people are in, but not why
Due to certain mental faults I tend to assume or believe that ita because of some error on my part, but that’s often not the case, and I’ve been wrong about it many many times. Assuming I did something wrong when in reality it was something else
Alcoholics also cause this around others. It’s why it’s called ‘the family disease’. Just cuz one person drinks doesnt mean everyone else around them doesnt get affected by it. And it doesn’t matter if they are a happy drunk. Tons of people recovering in alanon because of happy drunks in their life leaving behind the destruction of an illusion to get over and repiece together a functioning adult life.
Thats a good point, but in my defense, I’d argue thst an alcoholic just is a manipulative narcissist, a flavor of them, just with worse memory and coordination.
the action of being an addict is very selfish. And I have no doubt some alcoholics or other types of addicts are narcissistic. Often alcoholics are self medicating for another issue such as depression which might fit a different mental reason.
For our sake and purpose here : Results are the same. Still impacts the family just as much with a selfish action.
Just if we were to peel off from this and look at what drives them and how they might try to fix themselves might be a different approach cuz what they are masking can be various illnesses.
Maybe thats not quite the preferred nomenclature, but yes, its very much worth considering what drives people to addiction, how to potentially help them… but the flip side of that is that addicts tend to be various kinds of awful to the people around them.
You’d ideally need a holistic solution to the entire situation, but that’s often very difficult to pull off, in practice.
Absolutely. For sure. I’ve seen it once in my life. The alcoholic got help, It was one of the most beautiful experiences I’ve ever grown through with someone. It was then I learned as much as it’s an area of effect disease, it has an area of affect of growth with the person in recovery. And I learned a great deal of compassion for what they learned about themselves and their struggle - In their case they were self medicating because in their youth ADHD and dyslexia was not treated.
I mean ngl, it would have been great to not have their abusive alcoholism imposed on me in the first place as a child.
But I can’t hang onto resentment about that, cuz I can’t undo the past, I can’t undo what they did and they came through in the end anyways. I’m capable of forgiving and compassion that they are just another human with struggles getting frustrated about being abandoned.
I definitively can back that up from personal experience. I tend to be quite good at detecting what emotional state people are in, but not why
Due to certain mental faults I tend to assume or believe that ita because of some error on my part, but that’s often not the case, and I’ve been wrong about it many many times. Assuming I did something wrong when in reality it was something else
In one therapy there is this acronym called
QTIP.
Quit taking it personally.
Part of a ‘ten ways to untwist your thinking’
https://www.counselinglibrary.org/images/PDF_Documents/CBT_Handouts/10_Forms_of_Twisted_Thinking.pdf
Hey uh, that second paragraph?
I am not a psychologist, but:
unrequested unprofessional psych evaluation
Thats probably a sign of something like being raised by abusive narcissists.
Your natural instinct is ‘it has to be my fault’?
Yeah.
Because narcissists tell other people its always their fault, its their flaw or poor decision.
Its a form, or aspect or manifestation of hypervigilance.
Because you are so used to some new problem happening that is somehow, your fault or responsibility to fix, or address.
Alcoholics also cause this around others. It’s why it’s called ‘the family disease’. Just cuz one person drinks doesnt mean everyone else around them doesnt get affected by it. And it doesn’t matter if they are a happy drunk. Tons of people recovering in alanon because of happy drunks in their life leaving behind the destruction of an illusion to get over and repiece together a functioning adult life.
Alcoholics like to call this ‘charisma’.
Thats a good point, but in my defense, I’d argue thst an alcoholic just is a manipulative narcissist, a flavor of them, just with worse memory and coordination.
the action of being an addict is very selfish. And I have no doubt some alcoholics or other types of addicts are narcissistic. Often alcoholics are self medicating for another issue such as depression which might fit a different mental reason.
For our sake and purpose here : Results are the same. Still impacts the family just as much with a selfish action.
Just if we were to peel off from this and look at what drives them and how they might try to fix themselves might be a different approach cuz what they are masking can be various illnesses.
Thats a good point too.
Addict as victim vs Addict as victimizer.
Maybe thats not quite the preferred nomenclature, but yes, its very much worth considering what drives people to addiction, how to potentially help them… but the flip side of that is that addicts tend to be various kinds of awful to the people around them.
You’d ideally need a holistic solution to the entire situation, but that’s often very difficult to pull off, in practice.
Absolutely. For sure. I’ve seen it once in my life. The alcoholic got help, It was one of the most beautiful experiences I’ve ever grown through with someone. It was then I learned as much as it’s an area of effect disease, it has an area of affect of growth with the person in recovery. And I learned a great deal of compassion for what they learned about themselves and their struggle - In their case they were self medicating because in their youth ADHD and dyslexia was not treated.
I mean ngl, it would have been great to not have their abusive alcoholism imposed on me in the first place as a child.
But I can’t hang onto resentment about that, cuz I can’t undo the past, I can’t undo what they did and they came through in the end anyways. I’m capable of forgiving and compassion that they are just another human with struggles getting frustrated about being abandoned.
I definitively suffer from hypervigilance, yeah, you’re correct lmao
Well the good news is:
That literally is not your fault.
You can learn to gradually undo some of those tendencies, to some extent.
My lemmy instance has a series of random… header quotes, like flavortext in a game loading screen or something.
One of them, which ironically seems to be an apocryphal, misattirubted quote, but is still a good sentiment nonetheless: