I mean these things weren’t taught through anything as explicit or obvious as physical abuse (except spanking I guess… hmm). No one would know how painful my childhood was if I didn’t tell them, and even if I did a large proportion of people wouldn’t see any problem at all. Mostly it was constant negative feedback for perceived shortcomings or disobedience, and the complete lack of positive reinforcement or affection. Their authoritarianism and the impossibility of their punishments changing my fundamental nature meant punishment eventually extended to denying me anything they could think of. Anyone on the outside would probably say my parents were doing their best with a “difficult” child. That their actions came from a place of “love”. But really it was two neurodivergent people passing their trauma and abuse onto me. It was subtle, slow, and insidious emotional damage, accumulated over years.