Lifts-Her-Tail
Certainly not, kind sir! I am here but to clean your chambers.Crantius Colto
Is that all you have come here for, little one? My chambers?Lifts-Her-Tail
I have no idea what it is you imply, master. I am but a poor Argonian maid.Crantius Colto
So you are, my dumpling. And a good one at that. Such strong legs and shapely tail.Lifts-Her-Tail
You embarrass me, sir!Crantius Colto
Fear not. You are safe here with me.Lifts-Her-Tail
I must finish my cleaning, sir. The mistress will have my head if I do not!Crantius Colto
Cleaning, eh? I have something for you. Here, polish my spear.Lifts-Her-Tail
But it is huge! It could take me all night!Crantius Colto
Plenty of time, my sweet. Plenty of time.
Lifts-Her-Tail
My goodness, that’s quite a loaf! But how ever shall it fit my oven?Crantius Colto
This loaf isn’t ready for baking, my sweet. It has yet to rise.Lifts-Her-Tail
If only we could hurry that along. How would I accomplish such a task?Crantius Colto
Oh, my foolish little Argonian maid, you must use your hands.Lifts-Her-Tail
You wish me to kneed the loaf? Here?Crantius Colto
Of course.Lifts-Her-Tail
But what if the mistress catches me? Your loaf was meant to satisfy her appetite.Crantius Colto
Don’t fret, my delicate flower. I’ll satisfy the mistress’s cravings later.Lifts-Her-Tail
Very well, but I’m afraid my oven isn’t hot enough. It could take hours!Crantius Colto
Plenty of time, my sweet. Plenty of time.dafug did I just read ???
The Lusty Argonian Maid. Smut books found in the game Skyrim.
It predates Skyrim. You have to interact with the author in Morrowind and shockingly the dude’s a rapist
Damn. I don’t remember that, but it’s been a long time since I’ve played Morrowind.
Skyrim
That really changes the visuals now doesn’t it?
An excerpt from The Lusty Argonian Maid.
One of the finest pieces of literature to ever come from Bethesda Softworks.
Well shit, if we’re gonna talk about it you at least need to read it first
I’d read it
It may be overused, but I swear any comedy bit that uses a well done “What?” always gets a laugh from me. A simple word, but says so much.
My favorite will always be Colonel Jack O’Neill (with two L’s)
~There’s another Colonel O’Neil with only one L. He has no sense of humor at all.~
Knowing what I know now about the governments of the world…It wouldn’t shock me if lizard people actually exist and do things like that
Actual lizards would do a better job than a number of governments I can think of.
Lizards would stick to the great plan, damnit
Warm rocks for all!
I feel like life has taught me that this all has to be a simulation. It’s too rediculous to be real.
I know it’s a fucking cartoon, but I sincerely believe we are NPCs (at least I am) in Roy: A Life Well Lived.
You’re actually a piece of Morty.
As they say, the fight is over when you get them to laugh.
Do lizard-people have hemipenes and cloacas?
